A tale of Guardianista Land…where everyone was equal. (But, some more equal than others)

Many years ago in Kings Place in Londinium there was a liberal left tribe called the Guardianistas. They mostly lived well-heeled in Hampstedde and had enjoyed pricely schooling and then to Oxenfforde but they followed the Labour tribe and so worthily assisted the downtrodden of the world. In fullness of time, they reasoned, the downtrodden would rise up and revolt and then everyone would be the same.

But it came to pass in the year 1989 CE that the Great Wall in Berlin came down and great changes came in Eastern Europe and Russia. The proletariat there had risen may years before but decided that all being the same was not such a great idea after all.

The Guardianistas were bereft. First Gorbachev, then Tony Blair had sold them down the river. All they wanted to do was to stand up for the human rights of the downtrodden (unless they were Israeli). They had long been sceptical that the proletariat in England would rise up. So their eyes lit upon the Palestinians. Here was an underdog that needed support from the colonial Zionists oppressing them.

But after a few years some of the Palestinians sat down with the Zionists and tried to make peace with them. This was too much for the Guardianistas. How could they maintain face in saying that the settlements were illegal when it seemed that the Palestinians wanted many of them to stay?

Far better (thought the Guardianistas) for the Palestinians to reject all negotiations and continue the Jihad. Otherwise what would Seamus Milne do all day and how could George Galloway remain sincere and honest when calling Israel ‘a colonial state’? And how would the Guardianista tribe stay together without Israel to hate? Israel was the weapon of mass distraction, after all. Baiting Berlusconi wasn’t half as much fun as winding up the Jewish tribe.

“The Palestinians are exploiting us” shouted Alan Rustybridge, head of the Guardianista tribe. “I call on the UN Human Rights Council to set up a Commission of Inquiry, chaired by Richard Goldstone.”

The UN Human Rights Council – hearing that Mossad had managed to plant agents as Palestinian negotiators – saw a chance to blame Israel and so voted unanimously to set up a Commission of Inquiry. The three Commissioners were to be Desmond Tutu, Richard Goldstone and Alexei Sayle.

Michael Moore was given the film rights.

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