Imams Flee Islamophobic Arrests on the West Bank

A guest post by AKUS in Washington and Harried Sherbet in Finchley Park

Britain is offering imams who are victims of Islamophobic arrests on the West Bank (Judea and Samaria) asylum in Finchley Park. “We are shocked by the lack of good Samaritans in Samaria willing to take in these victims of religious persecution”, said Prime Minister, David Cameron. “We have a huge mosque in Finchley Park where they can preach their hateful messages under protection of British law”. To applause, he added: “If Israel won’t take them, we will”.

Independent Jabbering Jewish Voices (IJJV) has offered to buy properties to house the Imams in Hampstead and Golders Green. “Living among your Jewish neighbors in those suburbs will make you feel as if you are back on the West Bank”, said their spokesman, Tony Blurman. IJJV has asked the British Government to propose a law that would prevent Jews from building apartments in Golders Green and Hampstead, a move enthusiastically supported by UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, who has made it one of his top priorities for 2011.

Prince Charles has offered asylum on one of his estates. “After talking to some of my trees I have decided to convert to Islam next year. My mother has agreed with Mr. and Mrs. Booth that after Haj I will marry the bint Booth as my second wife”, he said. “I have an empty chapel which we can convert to a mosque, and need an Imam to perform the ceremony.” The British press, led by the Guardian, has applauded Charles’ decision to further the rapprochement with the world of Islam and the bint Booth’s willingness to help in any way she can. Her only condition is that Camilla also wear the niqab. While many in Britain have approved of this request following recent pictures of her in riot-torn London, Camilla was not available for comment. The Guardian’s Zoe Williams noted approvingly:  “Hats off to royal Charles and commoner Lauren. Their wedding will be a nail in the coffin of an obnoxious Church”.

Britain’s offer of asylum was greeted with fury by the Palestinian Authority at a recent press conference held at Monaco’s Casino Royale.  “This is nothing short of a second nakba”, said Saeb Erekat. “Just like in 1948, outsiders are colluding with the Zionists to encourage Palestinians to leave their ancestral home land”.  Mohammed Abbas chimed in: “If these people become refugees in Britain, we demand that they receive aid from the international community onto the hundredth generation. We insist that Britain set up a new aid organization, BUIMWRAPS (British Useful Idiots’ Muslim Refugee Association (Permanent Status), to be funded by those responsible for this”.

At this point, the conference erupted into a brawl as Mahmoud Habbash, the Palestinian Authority’s minister of religious affairs, wrestled the microphone from Erekat’s hand. Unaware that it was still live, he was heard shouting: “H’mar  (donkey) –we are ones arresting them, not the Zionists!! How will we pay for this when you lost all our money at roulette?” Not one to be dismissed lightly, Erekat was heard to mix his metaphors as he hissed: “You are a Zionist stool pigeon like those Mossad sharks in Egypt! We always blame the Jews!! We are the victims!!”

Habash has come under particular criticism on the West Bank for his lax attitude to defeating the enemies of Islam. “The Palestinian Authority’s plan is to combat Islam and the religious trend within it,” said Sheikh Hamid Bitawi, a well-known Islamic religious authority in Nablus and Hamas leader.  After an imam urged Muslims to kill Jews in a sermon broadcast on a Palestinian government-run television station earlier this year, U.S. officials complained. The spineless Habbash apologized, said the imam had been a last-minute substitute, and ordered the next Friday’s sermon at all mosques to be about tolerance among followers of Islam, Judaism and Christianity. As a result, Habbash now needs six body-guards rather than the two assigned to most Palestinian pooh-bahs.

These actions have not gone unnoticed except by the UK Guardian, which commissioned articles on its web site, “Comment is Nonsense”, by Rachel Shabi and Mya Guarnieri saying that they were not surprised by the arrests of the imams by the Zionists on the West Bank. Numerous attempts by readers to point out that the PA was responsible were deleted from the comment threads, and eight pro-Israeli commenters were banned – one for each day of Chanukah. One of the Guardian’s favorite contributors, Hamas spokesman Tariq Ali, wrote that the PA was a Mossad front and when the imams issue calls to kill the Jews it is their legitimate right to free speech. He pointed out that in a Guardian article the Neturei Karta have offered to allow any imam proposing to kill all the Jews the use of one of their synagogues in Jerusalem for his sermons. Chief Editor Rusbridger asked in an anonymous editorial: “If that does not prove that Jerusalem belongs to the Arabs, what does?” Harriet Sherwood was too busy reporting on the treatment of Arabs in Tsfat to write anything at all.

In response to these Islamophobic attacks, the Archbishop of Canterbury has said: “I am shocked by the lack of good Samaritans in Samaria willing to take in these victims of religious persecution”. He proposed, as an act of Christian charity, to allow Imam Bitawi to preach his messages of hatred on Fridays at Westminster Abbey provided that any stoning of Jews, gays or women be conducted elsewhere. “It would upset the tourists”, Archbishop Rowan said, “and we need the Yankee dollar for the old place’s upkeep”.

This article has been shamelessly plagiarized from the following story, which appeared in the Washington Post on December 15th:

Palestinian Authority cracks down on mosques to promote moderate Islam

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